What Is Mindful Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion — not to be confused with self-indulgence — is all about extending understanding toward oneself. From a young age, we are taught valuable skills for living communally with others: how to share, how to compromise, and how to be compassionate towards others, but rarely are we taught how to turn that compassion inward. Mindful self-compassion adds mindfulness to the equation so that we can learn to self-soothe in the face of emotional and physical hardships and also to redirect or transform negative thoughts into experiences from which we can grow.

Why Are the Benefits of Mindful Self-Compassion?

Mindful self-compassion promotes mindfulness and its benefits while teaching us how to replace the habit of self-criticism with self-compassion.

Paul Gilbert, a British clinical psychologist who founded compassion-focused therapy (CFT), discovered that when we self-criticize, we activate a threat-defense system in our brains. This trigger causes the brain to bring forth stressful emotions like anxiety and anger to take action against the perceived threat. People who tend to self-criticize often have hypersensitive threat-defense systems, and this can lead them to be unable to feel content or safe within themselves and in personal relationships.

Self-compassion can help us be easier on ourselves and, in doing so, reduce our stress, anxiety, and shame.

How to Practice Mindful Self-Compassion

We can develop our overall compassion by practicing self-compassion whenever time allows. Here are five practices developed by the Stress and Development Lab at Harvard University that you can incorporate into daily life starting today:

Take a Self-Compassion Break

Only requiring a few minutes, a self-compassion break focuses on taking a moment to call to mind a situation that is causing you stress and to try and feel those emotions in your body. Say to yourself:

1. This is a moment of suffering
2. Suffering is a part of life
3. May I be kind to myself

Acknowledging one’s suffering can go a long way in offering relief.

Explore Self-Compassion Through Writing

Writing is a powerful tool for getting our thoughts in order. If you’re interested in using writing to help develop your self-compassion, consider (for example) jotting down imperfections that you feel make you inadequate. By doing so, you will likely find yourself naturally articulating thoughts and feelings about yourself. 

You might also write a letter to yourself from the perspective of an unconditionally loving friend, including their perspective on the strengths, weaknesses, and imperfections you have previously recorded. This can help you reframe those negative feelings and provide a compassionate way of looking at them and yourself in the process. 

Start a Self-Compassion Journal

You can also start a self-compassion journal to jot down any thoughts and feelings you want to work through.

Engage in Supportive Touch

When a child is hurt, their immediate reaction is often to run into their parents’ arms. This is because touch is essential to healing from emotional and physical pain. Touch can help comfort you when you feel down and is a way to show compassion without words.

You can perform supportive touch for yourself by mindfully placing your hand over your heart or wherever you feel most comfortable and taking a moment to check in with yourself. Other ways to enact supportive touch include crossing your arms and giving yourself a gentle squeeze, cradling your face in your hands, or placing your hand on your abdomen and touching in with the breath as you inhale and exhale.

Change Your Critical Self-Talk

Managing one’s inner critic may not be doable overnight, but with consistency and practice, it can be done. The following exercise can be done internally, out loud, or by journaling.

1. First, notice when you are being self-critical — Try to do this as accurately and objectively as possible with questions like: What is the tone of my voice during these moments? What sort of words does my inner voice use? Does it remind me of someone in my past? Are there specific moments when this voice is sure to come out? 

2. Soften that critical voice through compassion instead of aggression — Rather than telling it to “shut up,” try telling this critical voice something like, “I know you’re worried about me, but you are causing me unnecessary pain. Is there a way to communicate your feelings with compassion instead?”

3. Reframe the negative observation in a friendly, positive way — If you are having trouble doing so, try pretending that you are speaking to yourself from the perspective of a warm, loving friend.

Over time, following these steps will train your mind to approach negative situations with tenderness and compassion rather than the immediate need to compare and criticize.

Related: 17 Resources to Develop Self-Compassion